With this blog, the mission is to provide FPs with a variety of devices and methods designed to help achieve personal and professional wellness. For the financial professional, the two are intractably intertwined.
However, the individual must first be willing to be truly honest and self-reflective before genuine progress can be made. You must look within yourself and beyond your ego, and fear, to assess the lack of balance in your life. As I have found in my practice, even the most successful among us easily succumb to the self-destructive myth that professional and financial achievements can compensate for personal and emotional deficiencies.
I treated a patient who was a Managing Director at a major Wall Street firm, charged with supervising the entire IT operation of his company, a major world banking corporation. The life’s blood of the firm—its electronic trading systems—coursed through computer networks he nurtured and oversaw. He was revered, feared, and generously rewarded. In his mid-40s, he was a bright, handsome man with distinctive cherubic qualities. He had married into a prominent New York City family, which was very well connected in both celebrity and society circles.
From humble beginnings, he hailed from a farming community in rural Virginia. He came to New York City and hit the big time, both on Wall Street and when he found the love of his life, a private schooled Upper West Side Ivy League-educated corporate litigator on the rise.
But, this is no fairy tale. There is no happily ever after.
Our hero plunged himself into the swirling cauldron that is Wall Street without first achieving inner balance. His modest background inspired and fueled an obsession with accumulating wealth and with social climbing.
He surrendered his spirituality by yielding his virtue. His wife, a classic narcissistic, was obsessed with herself and her beauty. He, on the other hand, had developed an obsession for internet porn and telecom sex. He claimed that such activities enabled him to experience sexual pleasure in an environment that was emotionally safe and easy for him (in other words, no real human connection), and as such were even more thrilling.
This lack of affection and intimacy had bred insecurities, and suspicions abounded in the marriage. She uncovered an affair he was having by hacking into his email account, while she herself was actually having an emotional affair with a man who 15 years older than her who was exceptionally wealthy. She had always aspired to “big time, serious money.”
In light of the mutual infidelity, my patient was in a state of perpetual panic, because he knew that life was headed for a severe downturn. His lifestyle would invariably plummet and her parents would certainly hire a merciless divorce lawyer that would skewer him. His mission in therapy was to take stock of himself and face his sins, so to speak, and attempt to lead a life approaching virtue and honor.
Ultimately, he needed to achieve balance and some semblance of virtue in his personal and professional life to achieve any degree of wellness.
How many of your personal priorities will you sacrifice in your pursuit for financial gain and professional accomplishments?
You see, to thrive in this industry requires a level of commitment that can consume the individual’s life. Few FPs leave the office at the office. One patient would literally sleep under his desk on days when he lost money so he could “start again first thing in the morning” without wasting commute time.
Those who I treat often have severe issues with balance. While they may be successful in their climb up the corporate ladder, they can fall deeper and deeper into depression in their personal relationships, and within their core self. And many of them feel alone and frightened.
They (all of us) can never quite reach an adequate level of fulfillment unless both sides of our coins are addressed.