Some relationships are easier than others to sever. In those instances, you need to instead focus on lessening the constriction of the ties that bind.
For instance, in one of those very unusual situations you can come across as a psychologist, I had worked with two very wealthy Middle Eastern twin brothers who were very successful money managers. They wanted to engage in this manner, and I agreed. It was no doubt, quite novel. Let’s just say ‘they were joined at the hip psychically.’ They were each positioned at competing firms, one in New York City, the other in Greenwich.
The two brothers had immigrated to the United States in the 1970s. The younger brother (by about two minutes) was much more successful than the older brother. They claimed that their father’s dying wish was that they work out their monumental conflicts and rivalry, which has haunted and corrupted them throughout their lives. Hence, this rather unusual treatment alliance.
These two brothers entered treatment several years ago at the beginning of the Great Recession. At that time, the younger brother had managed and hedged his assets much more effectively than the older brother. (By the way, they actually refered to themselves as “The Elder,” and “The younger,” respectively.)
This treatment paradigm had been unique in my practice, but it is something “the brothers” requested and it has proven quite interesting. It is almost like a version of couples or relationship therapy. They both had swank, very lavish city apartments and homes in the Hamptons. They led parallel lifestyles.
There are some co-dependent relationships that can be repaired with therapy and discipline. However, it is paramount to ascertain whether or not the co-dependent relationship actually can be restructured. In this instance, it could not. The two brothers were figuratively and nearly literally attached at the hip. We worked on self-assessments and honest evaluations of the relationship issues and seeking to reconcile (or at least gain common ground regarding) their differences.
To develop a healthy Gyroscope means understanding relational dynamics and not falling into the traps of co-dependency. This means not becoming co-dependent, just as it means to not be the source of a co-dependent relationship. One needs to review past events and episodes of conflict. What were the core issues? Who is more often unreasonable? Who usually capitulates? Who is more likely to hold a grudge?
The essence of the co-dependency phenomenon is that one’s sense of well-being depends primarily on another person’s behavior, or on phenomena external to oneself. For instance, the retail broker’s production measures their performance relative to their peers, and many brokers fall into the emotional trap wherein how they value themselves is congruent with their performance rather than their “heart, soul and mind.” The brothers and I worked very long and very hard on resolving a myriad of issues. They claimed they “were the better because of it.”